Nothing is Real Anymore

Reality today has given us yet another blatant sign that it’s just given up on itself entirely and is letting it’s estranged Uncle Surreality take a stab at things for a while. While many of us found it a little strange to hear that Bernie Sanders and Public Enemy were teaming up for a concert, the way things have been going lately, the news had left us all pretty much shrugging “…meh, I could see it.”.

But oh… Sly Uncle Surreality wasn’t done yet! In a plot twist that makes even the victims (… sorry, ‘fans’) of six seasons of LOST realize they’re being taken advantage of, not only did this concert happen but, as the bizarro dust settled, Sanders had caused the most unforeseeable divorce in popular music history; Flavor Flav and Public Enemy are splitting up.

“What? Why?” we said, and then “what?” again.

Somehow, an old Jewish sorta-socialist who apparently lost his comb in grade four (back when they were still made out of narwhal femurs) and just never bothered to get a new one, is still so with it that he can manage to milk some relevancy out of a group that hasn’t been a threat to Trembling White America in thirty years. Not only that, he can cause them to disband. Something the PMRC only dreamed of way back then when reality was, granted, less interesting, but more reliable.

“What? Why?” we say again, and then “what???” again also.

But really, after five or so years of such shoddy reality, with plot twists that seem like they fell out of a comatosed Pauly Shore, we all just kinda roll with it.

“Yeah, okay… makes… sense now… doesn’t it?”

No. It doesn’t. But what option is there?

Bernie Sanders broke up Public Enemy… and that may be the most damaging thing done to his campaign to this point.

As this article is being written, this writer is keenly aware that his pants may, at any point, become fifteen carps and all the clocks may start melting. Crafty Uncle Surreality is not done with us yet… not by a long shot.

In related news, Joe Biden, attempting to stay relevant, made an appearance at Shady Acres Golden Siesta ‘WE-tirement’ Resort And Casino-Spa in Palm Springs and caused the remaining three bandmembers of Lawrence Welk’s last band (the 70s era, the good era before he ‘sold out’) to argue fiercely about something they all forgot moments later. Biden claimed he had nothing to do with the altercation as staff members escorted him to the wrought aluminum gates. Biden later released a statement that he thought Public Enemy had been in prison since 1990 and would look into the matter once be became President.

Donald Trump, meanwhile, is taking up the kazoo.